T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house, Everyone felt shitty, even the mouse, My mom's in the whore house, My dad's smoking grass, I just settled down for a nice piece of ass, All of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I jumped up from my ass to see what was the matter, Coming down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew the fucker had fell, Tumbling down with a big rubber dick, I knew it must be Saint Nick, He filled our stockings with pretzels and beer, And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer, The sucker went up the chimney with a thunderous fart, The fucker blew our chimney apart, Screaming and cursing out of sight, “Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!”